Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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