the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
