what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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