Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Randomize
