is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can you bring me the toilet please
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
