i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
