did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
