were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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