I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
