So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
