FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
