some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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