i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
