It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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