I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
