We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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