so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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