can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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