I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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