How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
