Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
