i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
