I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
