I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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