walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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