i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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