I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
