So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
