she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Life is so much better after having sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
