Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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