dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
