Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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