his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
