who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
