I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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