Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
