If that was your dad, he is hot
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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