exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
