FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
