i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
