fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize