There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
