was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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