I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
