I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize