I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
