Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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