So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
