In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
