I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
