if you like me you must not know who I am
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
