I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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