rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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