my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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