He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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