he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
