Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
smell my finger.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
