Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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