Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
