it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
