this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
