i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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