I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize