I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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