We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
