So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
