Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
