I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
