So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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