So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
