and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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